Happy Birthday Hannah Rose

   
      Where do I begin...  One whole year.  I'm not sure my heart can really grasp that.  I've thought about Hannah's birthday coming.  I watched the days tick by on my calander.  How do you celebrate for your daughter's first birthday when she's not here.  Her birth was one of the two happiest days of my life.  I thought I would want to "celebrate".  I couldn't.  What do you do with this day?

     Honestly, my heart is absolutely breaking today.  I can't help but cry.  I haven't let myself think too much about her birth, it's just a hurt I'm too exhausted to deal with right now.  I miss her.  I cannot believe a year has gone by. 

     Danny, Hope, and I have spent the day together.  We picked out some really pretty pink roses, four of them, one for each of us, and took them to Hannah.  It was Hope's first visit.  It was so gorgeous there.  It was warm, but you could feel Fall in the air.  It felt just like when we had Hannah.  It even smelt the same. 

     We've been so busy and so blessed with Hope.  Danny and I have spent a lot of time today talking about Hannah.  We've talked about what we've been feeling and where we are at with everything.  It's amazing how life moves on.  We were so blessed with Hope's pregnancy and thankful for the distraction it brought us.  We've talked about the blessing of having her in our arms while our hearts ache to hold her sister as well. 

     Our Lord has taken such care with our hearts.  When I look back on where we were and where He has brought us...Well, truly there are no words.  He has carried us and continues to carry us.  He is my rock.  He is my comfort.  He is my strength.  He is the one holding my baby girl and kissing her for me.

Dear Lord,
     I want to lift today up to you.  One year ago you blessed Danny and I beyond our imagination.  I thank you for Hannah and the opportunity to be her mommy.  I thank you for ten unbelievable days with her.  I thank you for the way she touched our lives and the lessons you have brought to us.  I have learned more about love in ten days from your tiny baby than I could have ever learned my entire lifetime alone.  Thank you for bringing so much light in the middle of our darkness.  I pray for Danny, that you would hold his heart so close to you while such a painful wound is reopened.  I pray for all our family, who's hearts are just as broken and missing Hannah.  I pray for Hope, that you would help her to know her sister and how much we love both of them.  I pray for all of our loved ones who continue, even a year later, to lift Danny and I up.  Thank you, God, for pouring your love out on us through so many.  I pray that you would watch over me and protect my mind and heart from the painful memories and flood me with all the happy ones.  Thank you for being my God.  Thank you for loving me.  All these things I ask in Your name, Amen.      


Happy Birthday, Hannah Rose.  We love you, Our Little One <3  Kiss Jesus for me!
Love,
Mommy, Daddy, and Hope!

Room for Hope...

     I bought Hope some hair bows last night from Babies R Us. It was the first time I had been there buying for a daughter that wasn't Hannah. It was kinda hard, but exciting at the same time. I think I'm slower to bond with Hope, but when I do it's much more intense.  I felt so much closer to her.  Hope has so much that Hannah was never able to use, and we're so thankful for that, but everything is very related to Hannah.

     I unpacked Hope's room last night.  It's nice to have a new house and a new room for Hope.  It feels like it can be her own.  I only unpacked a couple of important toys from Hannah.  I want Hope to know she's just as important and just as loved as her sister is.  I want her to have her own identity, and so far, she is so different!  She's seems like a little character, so we're excited for her to join us and watch this new little person that God created grow.

     We hit 36 weeks on Saturday.  It's been a huge milestone since Hannah was born at 36 weeks and 1 day.  So we're anxious to see how this weekend goes.  So far everything seems great though.  I feel like she's going to stay put.  I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm kind of holding my breath though.  But, Hope is just as much in God's hands as Hannah is.  He's been so faithful to us, I have no reason to believe He would ever leave us now.  Praising the Lord for taking over my life!  It sure is alot easier to let Him handle the details!       

When O' When will this baby be born???

     I know it has been forever since I've posted.  Life has been busy, which is such a blessing.  Danny and I worked really hard to pretty up the house from the winter as well as some more home improvements, including tiling the countertops ( done by your's truly! ).  We were going back and forth on whether or not to try to sell the house for the third summer in a row.  At first we felt we've had enough stress and craziness in our lives that we didn't want to bother with showings and the frustration of our hopes being raised only to not hear of any interest in the house, leading to discouragement.  However, while I've been nesting and spending alot of time in our home, we've decided that we are planning on growing our family and that this sweet little home is just not going to be able to hold all that we are praying the Lord blesses us with.  So, with the mindset of: "We aren't going to catch any fish if our hook isn't in the water", and "If we don't sell this summer either, we'll have all this work done for a clean home to bring Hope into", we decided to take a chance.  Four days after we signed with our realtor, God blessed us with our first showing.  While we were excited, of course the voice in the back of our minds said "it's not going to happen" .  Then to our surprise, after one showing, we received our first ever offer about 24 hours later!  God is good!  While feeling optimistically cautious about letting our hopes get up to high, we are praying nonstop that the whole process of this sale moves smoothly forward.  Right now we are waiting to hear when the inspection will be.  The deadline is July 6th.  The buyer has already been approved for her loan and has no contingencies keeping her from being able to buy the house, so we feel good about how the everything will go.

     Yesterday was my 30 week checkup.  We had an ultrasound just prior to the appointment.  Dr. Weary has been a great doctor so far.  He managed to schedule us another ultrasound courtesy of our insurance :)  He said there wasn't anything he was concerned about, he was purely doing it for my heart.  I love feeling God's love for me through people in my life.  Hope looked great!  She's definitely running out of room and is definitely plumping up well.  All my books have said that for 30 weeks a baby should way about 3lbs.  Little Miss Hope weighs in at 3lbs 13oz, some news that we were hoping for!  I'm constantly praying for a big, healthy baby.  She seems to be a busy little bee.  Most of the family has had an opportunity to feel alot of her movement.  Hannah was always a bit shy.  I love their different personalities.  I'm excited to see what kind of joy Hope is going to bring us.  

     Probably the biggest thought weighing on me is "when is Hope going to be born?"    Hannah was born at 36 weeks 1 day.  So, my mind is constantly wondering, could Hope be born at 36 weeks?  Since my pregnancies are so close, will she be born a bit earlier?  The doctors say she could just as well be born later, could I make it to 40 weeks?  I just am at a loss.  Those who know me, know I prefer stability.  I want to know when and where and how.  I know that every pregnancy leaves any mom wondering.  I'm just praying she stays in long enough to help her mature and develop enough to handle such a hard world.  With that said, God is in control.  Babies are born at 28 weeks and grow to thrive.  Hope is in His hands, and that does bring comfort. 

     Another concern is that our closing date on the house is set for July 29th.  The day I turn 36 weeks.  What are the chances?  Again, it's in God's hands, and the realtor said she has no problem bringing the papers to the hospital :)  I'm excited to see how God is going to pull it all together.  He never fails to amaze me!


Some cute Hope picures.  It's amazing to see a different little person in there, and yet still see traces of her sister too.  She just melts my heart!

        

    

Hope's 22 Week Ultrasound

     This morning was Hope's diagnostic ultrasound, and she passed with flying colors!  Her heart and major organs look amazing on ultrasound.  Her arms and legs look perfect.  And, it looks like Hope's going to have long narrow feet just like her big sister! 

     Our pregnancy has been going really well aside from very occacional, light spotting.  We've had past ultrasounds looking into the causes, and the most likely conclusion was due to a low lying placenta.  I was anxious to see the progress of my growing uterus and hopeful that Hope's placenta would move up naturally, away from my cervix.  I was so relieved to be told that her placenta had definitely moved up and looked very healthy and well attached.  Also, I had my own concerns on how well my body would be able to handle this pregnancy considering Hannah's was just over 7 months ago.  Although, my doctor's are very reassuring that my body is perfectly capable, it brought so much comfort to know that my cervix was tightly closed and nice and long.  By all accounts, Hope's living quarters for the next 4 months seem strong and comfortable :)

     Hope has been super active!  Having both the girls' pregnancies so close together is neat in the sense that I remember Hannah's so well, it's so fun to be able to compare Hope's personality in utero to how Hannah was.  Hannah was always very calm.  I felt her moving quite a bit, but they were always very gentle movements, and it was rare for family and friends to be able to feel her for themselves.  Hope on the other hand, feels like a little monkey!  I've been able to feel her since 19 weeks (I'm 22 weeks and 2 days pregnant today).  I didn't feel Hannah's "first flutters" until 21 weeks and 3 days.  Danny actually felt Hope for the first time yesterday morning.  I thought that was a great Easter present! 

     It was fun to be able to see just how busy our little monkey was on ultrasound.  She definitely kept the tech busy.  Hannah was always sleeping, and we would have to squish her and jiggle her to get her to wake up and move to be able to get the measurements needed.   Both the girls' share a love of partying at 11 o'clock at night though! 

     We are so blessed to have two such beautiful and unique daughters.  I cherish all my memories of Hannah, and I am so anxious  to meet Hope face to face, and learn more and more about who she is.  I praise the Lord daily for allowing us to experience such a blessing.  I'm so thankful for the protection He's provided over Hope and I pray He will continue to allow her to grow strong and healthy! 

6 Months Already...

  
  Six months in Heaven; how beautiful it must be...

God called My Hannah home today,

I really don’t know why.

God called my Hannah home today.

Only tears fill my eyes…

Of all the bright shining stars,

A brilliance beyond I held.

Of all fragrance fresh and sweet,

Flowered fields dared not compare.

Of unplumbed depths of joy we found,

The heavens could not hold.

Of dreams and hopes, a moment fulfilled,

an endless fount we drank.

God called My Hannah home today,

Only tears fill my eyes…

God called my Hannah home today,

I guess…I do…know why

By Hannah's Grandpa Karl

Introducing Hannah's Little Sister...Hope Rose!

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalms 37:4   

     So today our ultrasound was a complete success! Danny was able to make it home from his class with time to spare, and our little blessing cooperated perfectly!  Today we found out we are expecting our second daughter! Hannah is going to have a little sister!!! 

     We are beyond excited and so honored by such an amazing gift.  The Lord has been so faithful to us, and He has provided and blessed us in so many ways.  Before we even conceived this little blessing, we knew if we were to be blessed with another little girl, her name would absolutely have to be Hope.  She is just that!  The Lord has given us so many reasons to be hopeful; this little girl is definitely the biggest and brightest!  We've also decided we want her middle name to be Rose; a way for Hope to be connected to her big sister.

     We are forever grateful for every one of your prayers for us and our precious daughters.  Thank you for all of your love.  We are so honored and excited to be able to share such joyous news with all of you!

All our love!
Danny and Jess

Happy 6 Months Hannah Rose!

Sweet Hannah Rose,

     Today, Baby Girl, we should be celebrating 6 months of precious, giggling life.  I wish it didn't hurt to wonder what you would look like, sound like, and what you would have learned already.  But, it hurts.  I know you are happy, and perfect, and probably very busy in Heaven.  I'm sure there is so much for a little girl to do.  I know the Lord is hugging you and more than making up for the love your daddy and I so desperately wish we could give you.

     I had a dream last night of a small baby girl.  She wasn't you, but something told me to relate her to you.  She was sick and I was her nurse.  We were watching her heart and it was having trouble beating.  Suddenly this little baby woke up and she was healed.  She was so active and healthy.  Then my dream took me and this little girl to your Aunt Katie's house.  The baby girl was bigger, just able to walk, and busy picking up any little thing a baby can find on the ground.  That's when I woke up. 

     I don't really believe in dreams telling the future or if they really have any meaning at all.  But, I do believe God uses so many different ways to speak to us.  I haven't dreamt of you since just after you died.  I wish sometimes I did, but I think it would be too hard.  My dream last night was a good dream.  When I woke up, I felt peace.  Maybe God let me see what you would have looked like.
  Happy 6 months little girl.  I love you, my heart and my arms ache for you.  I miss you.  Please kiss Jesus for me.

Love you forever and ever,
Mommy