Putting Frustrating Days Behind Me

     We have made it through the Holidays, and I am so grateful they're over.  I didn't expect to be so frustrated with them.  It seemed like no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I prayed, I was just angry.  Not at any specific reason, just mad.  I felt like I had no control, like the only thing I could do was to stay quiet so I wouldn't upset anyone.  I know my family understands, but I was getting even more mad at myself for feeling so snippy.  I'm sure that along with my grieving, hormones have a lot to do with it.  But, they are done, and now I can continue to move forward.  
     
     Things are pretty good.  As of today I am 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  It's fun and strange to be back to counting.  Danny and I both feel really positive about this pregnancy, but of course we're kind of finding it challenging to let ourselves get to carried a way as we both know how easy it is for loved ones to be taken away.  I've told Danny, and try to remind myself that we need to plan on having this baby in our arms in August unless we are shown otherwise.  That is all we can do.  We both worry, but I don't think our hearts can handle letting our minds get to carried away with the what if's.  So, one day at a time.  One of my favorite things Danny tells me is "You've grown a baby for another whole day".  I love that.


     Danny and I have chosen for me not to work during this pregnancy.  As a Veterinary Technician, there are a lot of concerns and it can be pretty physical.  I had some spotting throughout Hannah's pregnancy and I'm hoping that not being on my feet for 9+ hours I can avoid that all together with this little one.  My employers have been very supportive and such a blessing. 


     I'm feeling pretty good so far.  With Hannah I was about 7 weeks when the morning sickness began.  I'm hoping and praying that I do get sick.  I know that sounds silly, but I know it can be a good sign that everything is progressing well.  I've felt a little gaggy if I let myself get too hungry but nothing major yet :)  We'll see....  Grow little baby, grow!!!


     We visited Hannah on Christmas morning.  I had poinsettias on either side of her stone as well as in the vase that's fixed to the back of her stone.  The flowers on each side we're missing.  I'm not sure what happened.  I'm hoping there's a comfy squirrel's nest somewhere made out of silk poinsettias :)  We visited her again yesterday, we've been able to make it almost every weekend since she died, all but maybe one.  It was beautiful with the snow.  There were little bunny tracks all over and around her stone.  We love that there is so much wildlife in that cemetery.  It truly is so peaceful.  We thank the Lord for such a beautiful place to be  able to come and think and pray about Hannah.